TO BE HAPPY

“He who depends on himself will attain the greatest happiness”

1.  Know Yourself

“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is nobody else who is you-er than you.”
~Dr. Seuss

How many times have we heard “no one will love you until you learn to love yourself” or “nobody knows you the way you do”?

So get to know the right-now-real you, both the good and the bad, and own it. Write down your qualities, characteristics, values, strengths, and weaknesses. What makes you happy? What drives you crazy?

The good news is that if you don’t like certain aspects of yourself right now, you have it in your control to change that. But to change something you first have to know what you’re working with. So do some serious soul-searching and figure that out!

2.  Discover who your idealized self is and start working towards that.

“Open your eyes and look within. Are you satisfied with the life you’re living?”
~Bob Marley

The question we all got asked when we were little was “what do you want to be when you grow up?” Now the question is “WHO do you want to be when you grow up?” You’ve taken a good hard look at who you are in this moment, and now is the time to figure out what’s next.

Think of the “ideal you” and start doing the things that your idealized self would be doing. There was an article on Pick The Brain a while back entitled “How To Fake It Until You Make It” in which the author, David Wright, suggests that we imagine the qualities that your idealized self has (the work it takes) and start putting them into practice.

It’s time to stop playing make-believe and to start taking action! Let’s DO this!!!

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”
~Dr. Seuss

3.  Be Authentic

“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”
~Bruce Lee

Always be true to yourself. When working towards becoming your idealized self it’s important not to lose sight of who you are in favour of who you think you should be. Don’t compromise your values, morals, or true personality. Your individuality is important! Some people live their lives trying to be more like somebody else. My question to you is this: If you’re trying to be somebody else, who’s going to be you?

There may be certain things about yourself that you’d like to change or improve upon, but be absolutely sure that you make these adjustments for yourself and for your best interest. If you change anything in your life for the sake of someone else, and it’s not really what you want, you will only become resentful and unhappy.

To be truly authentic, one must rise above the crowd and be a true individual. Find your truth; a reason for which to live and die.

“Few are those who can see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts”
~Albert Einstein

4.  Understand that you can only control yourself.

“When there are no enemies within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you”
~African Proverb

As I started my journey to being happy on purpose, I realized very quickly how little in my life was within my control. I had no power over other people; others will do, think, and feel what they want and there’s little I can do to change or even influence that. I could only manipulate my environment and the things that happened to me to a certain degree.

I started to wonder if I could control anything in my life at all and I realized that I can only control myself. More specifically I had control over my attitude and my reactions to what the world throws at me.

For example, if you lose the life of a loved-one, you are going to have feelings of grief and even despair or anger. You need the grieving process as a human being and part of being authentic is being true to your emotions; otherwise you are in denial of what you truly feel and want. You can, however, choose the attitude of “moving on” or choose to dwell on it. You can choose to react by lashing out to those around you and hiding in your room with nothing but your grief and anger for company. OR you could choose to spend time with people who will make you feel better or immerse yourself in a project or work to keep your mind off things until you start to heal.

The idea that you have such little control over life might be scary for some, but you can also choose to look at it as freeing yourself from worry. If I have no control over something, there’s no point worrying about it because I can’t change it anyways. If I have control over it then I can take action, and again I no longer have to worry because something’s being done!

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”
~Maya Angelou

5.  Achieve balance in all things.

“Before Enlightenment – chop wood, carry water. After Enlightenment – chop wood, carry water.”
~ Zen Buddhist Proverb

There is a Yin and Yang; everything has its opposite, and the key is harmony between them. For example you must strike a balance between selfishness and selflessness. Chose either extreme you will quickly find yourself unhappy. If you always give to others you end up being useless to everyone because no one will take care of you for you, and a person who never gives to anyone will live a lonely and unfulfilling life.

The same can be said for striking a balance between your emotions and your logic. Are you being true to your emotions (giving them validation) or are you totally absorbed in them (giving them control)? Your logic and your emotions should work together to guide you in a balanced and healthy way of living.

6.  Learn to let go.

Learn to let go of the things that are not within your control or that happened in the past. Instead embrace and work on your self-control and self-esteem. You will be more at peace with yourself and can then enjoy life despite what the world throws at you.

Ask yourself “How is this working for me?” Does it help you to feel sad or angry all the time? Is it productive and useful when you lash out when someone or something upsets you? Is it healthy to become obsessed about an issue, person, or event that you have no control over in the first place?

To let go is to fear less and love more. It means knowing that you can’t do it for someone else, that you have no control over another, and that the outcome is not in your hands. Letting go is making the most of yourself, not blaming another or trying to change them. It means caring about someone, not caring for them, and allowing another to make mistakes and be a human being. To let go is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the future.

“If things start happening, don’t worry, don’t stew; just go right along and you’ll start happening too.”
~Dr. Seuss

7.  Give your life meaning and actively seek your inspiration.

“Love the life you live. Live the life you love.”
~Bob Marley

So many of us go around searching for the meaning of life or waiting for inspiration when really it’s within ourselves and up to us – no one will do this for you!

While at the Woman’s Leadership Conference I had the privilege of listening to our guest speaker, Canadian Olympic Gold Medalist, Clara Hughes. She shared with us that she suffers from Clinical Depression and that sometimes she gets so down in the dumps that she forces herself to ACTIVELY seek her inspirations. Clara stated that inspiration hardly ever just falls on your lap and that if you need it you have to go and find it for yourself.

Don’t look for the meaning of life; instead give your life meaning! One way that I did this for myself was by becoming a “mother” to something – I got a dog. His name is Charlie, and he’s been such a blessing for me. We’ve worked really hard on establishing a good relationship and I’ve learnt a lot being a “Pack Leader” for him. In doing what was good for Charlie (teaching him commands, working on his walking habits, regular grooming, giving him lots of love and work for him to do) I also became a better person. I learned to be more patient, how to be more assertive, and have become more active.

So go out there and find your meaning! Get inspired! Join a not-for-profit group, volunteer, get a pet, become a Big Sister or Brother, and go to some self-improvement or awareness workshops. Invest in yourself and you’ll soon reap the rewards of being content and feeling productive in your life.

8.  Focus on the positive.

“There are two ways to live; you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle”
~Albert Einstein

The expression “everything happens for a reason” annoys and upsets some people because it suggests that your path is predetermined and that The Fates or God is in charge of your life. The idea that a child dying of cancer, for example, is meant-to-be is frustrating and unfair; but the reality of it is that you have no control over your outside world. So I choose to think “in everything I have to find my own reason”. Instead of asking “why did this happen to me?” I ask myself “What positive thing can I find in this?” By focusing on the positive of any situation (and trust me if you look hard enough you’ll find it) I help keep myself positive and happy.

The good wouldn’t be as sweet without the bitterness of the bad. You go through the tough times to strengthen you for the excruciating ones to come. It’s in experiencing these tough times where you will truly be able to live with gratitude for what you have that is good.

“Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.”
~Bob Marley

9.  Surround yourself with like-minded people.

“A man should choose a friend who is better than himself. There are plenty of acquaintances in the world; but very few real friends”
~Chinese Proverb

Change is never easy. It’s even more difficult if the people you choose to spend time with aren’t the “right people”. Just ask someone who’s had to kick a bad habit (smoking, drinking, drugs, junk food, etc.) what it’s like being around people who haven’t quit or cut back yet. It’s easy to fall back into your old habits because they come with a certain comfort. It’s the same when you’re trying to be positive and happy and surrounding yourself with people who are negative and miserable. Misery loves company right?

So surround yourself, instead, with people in whose presence you feel optimistic, happy, and vibrant. If you can’t think of one person in your life that meets this standard it’s probably a good sign that you need to find new people!

I’ve had to “weed out” people who I thought were my friends – these were the people who always seem to be gossiping, talking about negative things, and focusing on the downside of every situation. I learned to be picky about the people I spend time with and limit the amount of time and energy I spend with those who tend to be toxic to my well-being. And no, it wasn’t fun or easy doing this, but it was worthwhile because they were just bringing me down.

Sit down and write out two lists for yourself – on one side write down the names of people who give you good energy and on the other side write down those who more often take your energy. Then try to steer clear of those who drain you and make an effort to spend more time with those who motivate you and are positive.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter won’t mind.”
~Dr. Seuss

10. Keep going

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
~ Martin Luther King Jr.

I am purposely happy every day, even when it’s rainy and cold and everything seems to be going wrong.

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving”
~Albert Einstein

EXERCISE MYTHS

Myth: If I exercise, I can eat whatever I want.
Reality: Many people overestimate the number of calories used during exercise. For example, a 175-pound man burns about 140 calories on a 30-minute walk. However, if that same man sits down after his walk and eats an energy bar – which has about 250 calories – he loses the calorie-cutting benefit of exercise, and then some.  Remember, to lose weight you need to use more calories than you take in.

Myth: If I have no energy for physical activity, it’s best to rest.
Reality: Physical activity can actually help you feel more energetic. Plus, you can plan your physical activity for the times of day when you have the most energy. Go to bed earlier to make sure you’re getting enough rest. Take it slow if you’re just beginning an exercise plan – start out with a walk around the block, not a marathon.

Myth: To lose weight, I should only focus on aerobic exercise.
Reality: While aerobic exercise helps you burn calories, strength training helps you reduce body fat, increase your lean muscle mass, and burn calories more efficiently. It’s also important to stretch and exercise your core muscles for flexibility, balance, and good circulation.

Myth: I should push myself to the limit to get the benefit. After all, as the old saying goes, “No pain, no gain."
Reality: Exercise shouldn’t hurt. A little muscle soreness when you do something new is okay, but soreness doesn’t equal pain. If it hurts, you’re probably pushing yourself too hard.

Myth: I should drink a sports drink when I exercise.
Reality: It’s important to stay hydrated when you exercise, but zero-calorie water is often the best choice. You don’t need electrolytes and carbohydrates found in sports drinks unless you are doing vigorous exercise for an extended amount of time.

Myth: I shouldn’t bother working out unless I can exercise for at least 30 minutes.
Reality: Studies show that doing multiple 10-minute bouts of moderate-intensity activity throughout the day can add up to big health benefits.

Chaired 11th NORTH INDIA MEDICAL CLINICS at JP Hotel Mussurie... on Twitpic

Chaired 11th NORTH INDIA MEDICAL CLINICS at JP Hotel Mussurie... on Twitpic

LEARNING LIFE

1. You are not your mind.

The first time I heard somebody say that,  I didn’t like the sound of it one bit. What else could I be? I had taken for granted that the mental chatter in my head was the central “me” that all the experiences in my life were happening to.

I see quite clearly now that life is nothing but passing experiences, and my thoughts are just one more category of things I experience. Thoughts are no more fundamental than smells, sights and sounds. Like any experience, they arise in my awareness, they have a certain texture, and then they give way to something else.

If you can observe your thoughts just like you can observe other objects, who’s doing the observing? Don’t answer too quickly. This question, and its unspeakable answer, are at the center of all the great religions and spiritual traditions.

2. Life unfolds only in moments.

Of course! I once called this the most important thing I ever learned. Nobody has ever experienced anything that wasn’t part of a single moment unfolding. That means life’s only challenge is dealing with the single moment you are having right now. Before I recognized this, I was constantly trying to solve my entire life — battling problems that weren’t actually happening. Anyone can summon the resolve to deal with a single, present moment, as long as they are truly aware that it’s their only point of contact with life, and therefore there is nothing else one can do that can possibly be useful. Nobody can deal with the past or future, because, both only exist as thoughts, in the present. But we can kill ourselves trying.

3. Quality of life is determined by how you deal with your moments, not which moments happen and which don’t.

I now consider this truth to be Happiness 101, but it’s amazing how tempting it still is to grasp at control of every circumstance to try to make sure I get exactly what I want. To encounter an undesirable situation and work with it willingly is the mark of a wise and happy person. Imagine getting a flat tire, falling ill at a bad time, or knocking something over and breaking it — and suffering nothing from it. There is nothing to fear if you agree with yourself to deal willingly with adversity whenever it does show up. That is how to make life better. The typical, low-leverage method is to hope that you eventually accumulate power over your circumstances so that you can get what you want more often. There’s an excellent line in a Modest Mouse song, celebrating this side-effect of wisdom: As life gets longer, awful feels softer.

4. Most of life is imaginary.

Human beings have a habit of compulsive thinking that is so pervasive that we lose sight of the fact that we are nearly always thinking. Most of what we interact with is not the world itself, but our beliefs about it, our expectations of it, and our personal interests in it. We have a very difficult time observing something without confusing it with the thoughts we have about it, and so the bulk of what we experience in life is imaginary things. As Mark Twain said: “I’ve been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” The best treatment I’ve found? Cultivating mindfulness.

5. Human beings have evolved to suffer, and we are better at suffering than anything else.

Yikes. It doesn’t sound like a very liberating discovery. I used to believe that if I was suffering it meant that there was something wrong with me — that I was doing life “wrong.” Suffering is completely human and completely normal, and there is a very good reason for its existence. Life’s persistent background hum of “this isn’t quite okay, I need to improve this,” coupled with occasional intense flashes of horror and adrenaline are what kept human beings alive for millions of years. This urge to change or escape the present moment drives nearly all of our behavior. It’s a simple and ruthless survival mechanism which works exceedingly well for keeping us alive, but it has a horrific side effect: human beings suffer greatly by their very nature. This, for me, redefined every one of life’s problems as some tendril of the human condition. As grim as it sounds, this insight is liberating because it means: 1) that suffering does not necessarily mean my life is going wrong, 2) that the ball is always in my court, so the degree to which I suffer is ultimately up to me, and 3) that all problems have the same cause and the same solution.

6. Emotions exist to make us biased.

This discovery was a complete 180 from my old understanding of emotions. I used to think my emotions were reliable indicators of the state of my life — of whether I’m on the right track or not. Your passing emotional states can’t be trusted for measuring your self-worth or your position in life, but they are great at teaching you what it is you can’t let go of. The trouble is that emotions make us both more biased and more forceful at the same time. Another survival mechanism with nasty side-effects.

7. All people operate from the same two motivations: to fulfill their desires and to escape their suffering.

Learning this allowed me to finally make sense of how people can hurt each other so badly. The best explanation I had before this was that some people are just bad. What a cop-out. No matter what kind of behavior other people exhibit, they are acting in the most effective way they are capable of (at that moment) to fulfill a desire or to relieve their suffering. These are motives we can all understand; we only vary in method, and the methods each of us has at our disposal depend on our upbringing and our experiences in life, as well as our state of consciousness. Some methods are skillful and helpful to others, others are unskillful and destructive, and almost all destructive behavior is unconscious. So there is no good and evil, only smart and dumb (or wise and foolish.) Understanding this completely shook my long-held notions of morality and justice.

8. Beliefs are nothing to be proud of.

Believing something is not an accomplishment. I grew up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they’re really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because “strength of belief” is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you’ve made it a part of your ego. Listen to any “die-hard” conservative or liberal talk about their deepest beliefs and you are listening to somebody who will never hear what you say on any matter that matters to them — unless you believe the same. It is gratifying to speak forcefully, it is gratifying to be agreed with, and this high is what the die-hards are chasing. Wherever there is a belief, there is a closed door. Take on the beliefs that stand up to your most honest, humble scrutiny, and never be afraid to lose them.

9. Objectivity is subjective.

Life is a subjective experience and that cannot be escaped. Every experience I have comes through my own, personal, unsharable viewpoint. There can be no peer reviews of my direct experience, no real corroboration. This has some major implications for how I live my life. The most immediate one is that I realize I must trust my own personal experience, because nobody else has this angle, and I only have this angle. Another is that I feel more wonder for the world around me, knowing that any “objective” understanding I claim to have of the world is built entirely from scratch, by me. What I do build depends on the books I’ve read, the people I’ve met, and the experiences I’ve had. It means I will never see the world quite like anyone else, which means I will never live in quite the same world as anyone else — and therefore I mustn’t let outside observers be the authority on who I am or what life is really like for me. Subjectivity is primary experience — it is real life, and objectivity is something each of us builds on top of it in our minds, privately, in order to explain it all. This truth has world-shattering implications for the roles of religion and science in the lives of those who grasp it.

CONTROL YOUR MOOD

How to Change Your Mood 

You can use mindfulness and meditation practice to change how you feel -- mood change. Your mood itself will change your mood. Nothing added. 

A good way to start with this, is to wait until you feel you need a change. "I must...", "I ought to...", "It's time I...". Of course there are scheduled events everybody has to attend to during the day. But maybe what's really happening is not that you must do the new thing, it's that you are fed up, bored or depressed in your present situation. 

This may be one of the reasons you started with drugs or alcohol in the first place. You felt better on drugs. It's nice. You don't have to feel stressed out, upset or angry. After a while it felt normal. 

To do this exercise, notice when you are in need of a change. Give yourself five more minutes with what needs changing, and during that time notice EXACTLY how things are. Start with the basic reason you think you should have a change. Let's say you're sitting next to someone who's talking complete rubbish. It's totally opposed to everything you know to be true. You'd like to either straighten them out, or leave. They're unbearable! 

So give yourself five minutes to bear the unbearable. (Or as long as you can! You'll get better at this.) Start with your body and see how it feels. Check where the discomfort is. Some particular part will be carrying the strain, where is it? Breathe into that part. Next check and name your emotion. Are you just bored? Or would it be better to call it anger? Depression? Use the right word to yourself. Say "I'm depressed", or whatever. Gather up every scrap of depression you can bear. Thoroughly immerse yourself in how you are -- after all it's only for a couple of minutes. 

When your five minutes are up you'll find your mood has shifted slightly, maybe quite a bit. But don't try to hold on longer than you feel comfortable. Do your five minutes with the unbearable and then make the change you want to make. But as you persist with this exercise you'll find you have a little more ease. You are no longer as angry as you were, or at least you can calm down more quickly. Or your tolerance for the idiots on the road is better. Around the unbearable things in your life you develop a sense of humour, an ability to cope and make the best of difficult situations. 

Moving on through the years of meditation practice you'll be able to come back to your moods more often, your constantly changing moods: now depressed, now amused, now excited, now angry. Always changing. It's a dance. It's like having spent all your life hopping on your right foot only, never knowing that your left foot existed or you could move the weight. Suddenly you've got another way to move -- you are no longer stuck with a one-legged hop! 

SOLUBLE FIBRE IN DIET

"Oatmeal is good for you heart." You hear that a lot, and not just from oatmeal companies. Many cardiologists and other health professionals recommend starting the day with a bowl of oats. There's a good reason: Oatmeal is one of many foods that contains soluble fiber, a substance that can help your heart by reducing the amount of LDL cholesterol (also know as "bad" cholesterol) in your blood (1). Research shows that a moderate increase in the amount of soluble fiber in a person's diet is likely to lower his or her risk of developing heart disease. It can also slow the progression of heart disease once it has begun. That's not all: Soluble fiber can help lower the risk of developing diabetes. And the benefits of a diet rich in soluble fiber apply to children as well as adults. A 2009 study showed that soluble fiber helps reduce a child's risk for future chronic diseases including cancer, heart disease and diabetes by helping to maintain normal blood sugar and blood pressure levels (2).

A Sponge for Cholesterol

What exactly is soluble fiber, and how does it work its magic? Fiber is the part of a plant food that your body cannot digest. It travels intact through your stomach, intestines and colon and exits from your body. There are two kinds of fiber, and both are good for you. Insoluble fiber, which does not dissolve in water, adds bulk to the material moving through your digestive system and is good at relieving constipation. It's found in whole wheat, nuts and many vegetables. Soluble fiber, as the name implies, dissolves in water, forming a gel-like substance. In addition to oats, soluble fiber can be found in beans, barley, flaxseed and certain vegetables and fruits.

Scientists aren't sure exactly how soluble fiber reduces the LDL or "bad" cholesterol in your blood, but they suspect it works like this: Soluble fiber acts like a cholesterol "sponge" by soaking up cholesterol-laden bile salts in the small intestine and eliminating these salts along with waste. That not only removes harmful cholesterol from your body, it also keeps bile acids from being "recycled" back to the liver. As a result, the liver must produce new bile acids, and to do that, it pulls LDL cholesterol out of the bloodstream (1). That reduces "bad" cholesterol levels even further, which is good news for your heart: If there's less bad cholesterol floating around in your bloodstream, it means there's less that can collect on the walls of the arteries, where it increases the risk of heart attack and stroke.

Other Health Benefits

The benefit of soluble fiber doesn't stop with cholesterol reduction. Soluble fiber can also lower triglycerides -- fats in the blood that contribute to heart disease. According to a 2010 study, it may also help reduce blood pressure and that's good for your heart health (3, 4). Soluble fiber can also benefit people at risk for diabetes by regulating blood sugar. It slows down the body's absorption of sugar, reducing the risk of developing Type 2 diabetes and helping to control existing cases of diabetes (4, 5). If that's not impressive enough, emerging research shows that certain forms of soluble fiber may enhance the body's immune function (2).

Foods With Fiber

Does this make you want to eat more soluble fiber? It should. And if you're like many Americans, you probably need to boost your intake of both kinds of fiber, soluble and insoluble. On average, children and adults in the U.S. consume less than half of the recommended amount of fiber. The USDA suggests that adult women get about 28 grams of total dietary fiber a day and adult men consume 36 grams a day. Children one year and older should consume 14 grams for every 1,000 calories in their diet (2).

At least 5 to 10 grams of your total daily fiber intake should consist of soluble fiber if you want to reap its cholesterol-lowering benefits, advises the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in its guidelines for a heart-healthy diet (6). That translates into about 1 ½ cups of cooked oatmeal (6 g of soluble fiber) plus a serving of fruit, such as apples or bananas (4 grams of soluble fiber). If you're not a fan of oatmeal, there are lots of other tasty ways to get soluble fiber into your diet. Pears, citrus fruits and legumes such as kidney beans, peas, carrots, barley and psyllium (seed husks) are all good sources (4, 5). Try to avoid processed foods like pulp-free juice and canned fruits and vegetables and substitute fresh high-fiber ones instead. While packaged fiber supplements are an option, it's best to get your fiber fix from food sources, since you get the additional benefits of vitamins, minerals and other nutrients. Whether you get your soluble fiber by starting the day with oat-based cereal, or munching on apples, beans or barley as the day progresses, your body will thank you from the bottom of its heart.

OUR FOOD